Learning to Live with Mystery
Unanswered prayer, big leaps of faith, liminal seasons... what do these have in common? Mystery. How can we learn to lean in when we can't see the full picture?
Hey friends!
I’m writing from southern California where I’m fortunate enough to spend a few weeks of my time this spring visiting friends and waiting out my visa. I’m sitting by a window again, but this time I can smell the ocean and hear the Pacific waves crash against the shore. Every once in a while, I also hear the shifting sounds of the palms swaying in the breeze. Or, when I’m really lucky, I hear the rapid flutter of a hummingbird’s wings as it zips around from flower to flower outside the window.
I lived in California for five years and I love these familar sounds. I love to stand at the shoreline with my feet sinking deep in the sand and stare out at the horizon — somehow the water seems to stretch out for an eternity. I enjoy it even more when I sit and watch the sunset over the water — a true gift of life on the west coast. There is a deep mystery in the ocean’s ability to draw me close to its shore.
Earlier this week, the entire U.S. was in a solar eclipse frenzy. Countless people camped out across the country along the eclipse trajectory. They gathered in groups of friends, set up lawn chairs, slipped on their safety glasses, and waited for a cosmic event that only comes around once in a lifetime in some regions of the world. In fact, NASA claims that in any one specific location on Earth, a total eclipse will only happen once every 360 years.1 Okay, I get it, that is kind of a big deal.
It’s no coincidence that this week I want to talk with you all about mystery, and what is more mysterious than the ocean or the cosmos? God’s creation is full of mystery —just like our own lives and our faith journey.
So, let’s dig in together…
One of the most challenging parts of faith is learning to be comfortable with the mystery of God.
Parker Palmer writes, “Mystery surrounds every deep experience of the human heart; the deeper we go into the heart’s darkness or its light, the closer we get to the ultimate mystery of God.”2
Whether you’ve been a Christian your whole life or you are new to faith, mystery is a reality we all face in our journey. There are answers we don’t get. There are tragedies we don’t understand. There are prayers that go unanswered. And yet, we are called to trust God in the spaces of uncertainty.
How is this possible? How can we live in the tension between the realities of this world and the promises of God when life so often feels shrouded in mystery?
When I left the comfort of my collegiate teaching jobs because I felt God calling me to rest, I had no idea what he would do with my time. The longer I sat with the Lord in my sabbatical, the more I sensed him asking me to resign and lay down my teaching completely. Quite frankly, this not only sounded impractical and financially unwise but it also sounded terrifying. This was a career I had spent nearly a decade growing in and the shift of vocation was not something I saw coming.
But, I had spent so much time learning the recognize God’s voice over the course of my Christian walk, I knew he was speaking clearly to me. He confirmed this request again and again through people around me, through dreams and visions, and through prophetic words from others. His instruction was clear — resign, sabbatical, rest, heal, write.
Yet, as my sabbatical came to an end, the change in vocation I sensed on the horizon was still shrouded in mystery. Every time I thought I was getting close to making shape of a potential next role, I would get ready to act on a plan, and I would hear God whisper, “No, not yet”. Every time I got another piece of the puzzle together, I would get so excited to move forward and jump ahead, and I would hear him say again, “Not yet.”
All the healing and identity building I’ve experienced over the past year has been undeniably transformational, and the intimacy with God that has grown out of this season of waiting is unmatched to anything I’ve experienced before. It’s all a gift, truly. But, it has been an incredibly difficult time of obedience. Every bit of me wants to step into what’s next, but I continue to be in a lengthy season of waiting and discernment.
On my more difficult days, I find my prayers lingering in the air around me and I wonder if they are heard at all. Other days, I feel God’s peace and love pulsing through me.
But lately even on my good days, his direction at times seems to come in only the smallest of steps. I’ve never not had a full time job for this long before, and each day, I have to surrender my ego and my own ideas of success. I have to believe that he is leading me, even in the uncertainty. I find myself praying daily, how much longer, Lord?
Yet, somehow my bills keep getting paid. Money trickles in from time to time when I need it most, an opportunity pops up when I least expect it, and I’m able to sustain things for a bit longer. God is providing in the most amazing ways. But, I’m still sitting in a deep uncertainty as to what work I will be moving into next. My obedience to write and keep writing is clear, but the rest — publishing, steady income, ministry — is all a great mystery still. I know it’s all connected, but I don’t know how yet.
I want to name this because learning how to sit in mystery and uncertainty is an important part of the journey to calling. We have to learn to lean in when we don’t see the full picture. We have to learn to trust him when we can’t see the five year plan, or the next ten steps. We have to learn to recognize his voice and be obedient, even when it seems ridiculous to the world around us.
The reality I’m seeing in my own life is that when I surrender and trust God in the mystery, he gives me a deeper capacity to hold uncertainty knowing that he is leading me.
The result of this type of surrender? A deeper level of trust within me to hold the tension between the now and not yet. Waiting doesn’t necessarily become easier, but trusting him does. And, the truth is, my impatience still often gets the best of me, but he is forever patient with my process. And somehow, along the way in the waiting and the wilderness, I actually get closer to his heart.
You see, there’s no shortcut here.
There’s no hidden formula to stick to, or a guaranteed script to follow in order to sit in mystery well.
It’s about familiarity.
It’s about relationship.
Spending time with God in prayer, praying for his will to be done, continually surrendering the difficult things, the unanswered prayer, the desires of my heart, the mystery, and asking for his heart to dwell in mine — doing this every day brings me closer to the one who created me. And with that closeness comes trust.
Close proximity breeds familiarity. We recognize his voice, we follow his instruction, we listen in the wilderness, and we surrender in the waiting. Along the way, we learn to trust him more fully. Because the truth is, he never leaves us and he is always guiding us along the path to calling when we seek him with our whole heart and silence ourselves enough to listen.
It’s true that we don’t always get the big picture and we often only get portions of the map—sometimes we have to rely on breadcrumbs — but he is continually leading and guiding us for his good plans and purposes. And, he won’t let us miss a thing. We just have to listen to his voice and trust him, especially in the mystery.
Pete Greig writes, “God’s great aim has always been, and will forever be, relationship with us. Sometimes, He may deprive us of something in order to draw us to Someone. And when we reciprocate—when we decide that we want Him more than we want His stuff—the most amazing thing happens. We are rewired and our requests are either altered as we grow to know and to prefer what He wants for us, or they are simply answered because, in seeking first the kingdom of God, “all these things” are given to us as well (Matt 6:33).”3
The closer we draw to the Lord, the more of his heart we get access to. He has always been about relationship. It’s not easy to sit in mystery, and we often get in our own way, but when you draw close to him — when you seek him and his kingdom first — he will never let you miss the good plans he has for your life.
So, what can you do in seasons of uncertainty?
Pray.
I know this sounds like a copout, but stay with me.
My current season is full of mystery. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, or what opportunity will come up that will help sustain me in my obedience. I have no idea where and when the provision I need will come to do the things I feel called to do. I don’t yet know what my ministry will be or how it relates to my writing.
But, every day I am asking God one important thing…
What do I need from you today to be obedient in my calling?
I set aside time each day and sit with that question.
I still myself.
I breathe gently in and out and let my body rest.
I sit with God in prayer and listen for however long I have, whether it be a few minutes or a few hours. I listen for his voice and what he wants me to know. I listen for his instruction. And, he speaks. He always does.
The trouble is never whether or not God is speaking, it’s whether or not we are listening. It’s so hard to silence our own thoughts and the distractions around us. It’s hard. But, we have to learn how to listen to his voice. He rarely shouts. More often, his voice comes in a gentle whisper. If we can’t still ourselves enough to listen, we won’t hear him in the fullness of how he longs to speak to us.
Mother Theresa was once asked in an interview, “What do you say when you pray?” And her response has always resonated deeply with me.
She says, “Nothing, I just listen.”
When you ask him… Lord, what do I need for today to keep going?
He may give you a word, a picture, a moving image, a Scripture. Don’t overthink it. Jot it down and meditate on what he could be saying through it. Because he is always saying something. We just aren’t always the best listeners.
Sitting in mystery is one of the most challenging aspects of the journey to calling. But, God gives us wisdom and guidance in the uncertainty. We just need to learn to recognize his voice and still ourselves long enough to listen.
The Poetry Nook
I’ve always been drawn into the mystery of the cosmos. I find myself thinking about when it all began — when God spoke light and life into being. I wrote this poem while gazing out at the clearest sky outside my parent’s home in the Outer Banks. It was so late in the night that there wasn’t a single bit of light pollution for miles around me.
The Night Sky
The last bit of sunlight slips beneath the horizon — a match strikes fire along the water’s edge.
The sky clings to the light that fades gently as darkness peels back the last bit of the day.
Now it's the moon and the stars that take the stage and dance across the night sky — full of mystery; I breathe them in.
Ah, to be a star or the moon or a galaxy, full of light in the middle of a deep darkness.
There’s a Book on That
God on Mute by Pete Greig is one of the best books I’ve read on the mystery of unanswered prayer. In fact, I would argue it is the best book every written on the subject. Pete is one of my favorite writers of all time. His writing is poetic and wise, relatable and witty, and he is not afraid to talk about the more difficult aspects of our faith journey.
This book will help you sit in the mystery. It will help you surrender to God’s will and trust him with the future, regardless of what the present looks like. It is a fantastic book and one that I always keep in easy reach.
Just in case you missed these recent posts:
Learning to Slow Down and Wait Well Requires Faith and Surrender: We so often live life full speed ahead, but God is not in a hurry. What would it look like to slow down the pace? How can slowing down help us wait well?
Identity: Excavating Lies to Make Space for the Truth: Are there any lies that you've believed about yourself that don't align with what God says about you? What can we do with pain from the past?
Unearthing Calling: Exploring Identity: What is calling? What does it have to do with identity? Why does it matter?
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Thanks again for reading this week’s newsletter. Cheers to diving into the deep together!
With love,
Jamie
“Questions Frequently Asked by the Public About Eclipses.” NASA. https://sunearthday.nasa.gov/2006/faq.php
Palmer, Parker. Let Your Life Speak. Jossey-Bass, 1st edition, 1999.
Greig, Pete. God on Mute. Baker Publishing Group, 2007.