The Art of Discernment

Unpacking the mystery of discernment -- what is discernment? Why is it an important gift on the journey of calling?

Photo by Hugo Sousa on Unsplash

Hey friends!

My apologies for posting so late this week — I had a long week of packing and traveling as I moved back to London. I began writing this on Thursday at JFK Airport while I waited out a four hour layover for my flight back to the UK. This flight has been a long time coming. For the last three years, I prayed through a discernment process concerning this move. I waited, wandered in the wilderness, wished for things to move more quickly, settled into the in between, and wept through the highs and lows of the journey.

If I’m being honest with you (as I promise to always be), I thought I would only be full of excitement when I finally reached moving day. But, the reality is that this week was full of a complex mix of emotions. A soft sadness danced alongside my excitement. A longing to stay in close proximity to my family tip toed along the edges of my joy. A slight buzzing of anxiety lingered around the rush of this new beginning. It was a mixed bag really. I guess the best adventures always are.

Yet, swirling around in this emotional melting pot has been one feeling that is the most prominent — a certainty that I am walking in God’s will for my life. And, this certainty takes the edge off the others. It allows me to walk in confidence, delight in the joy and the sadness, and embrace the change with an unshakeable hope.

Where does this certainty come from? Well, it comes from discernment. The art of discernment is an important gift on the journey of calling. As you navigate the complexity of your own journey, growing in discernment is going to be key to it all.

So, let’s dig in together…

Discerning the will of God sounds like a lovely idea, but for me, it has been the trickiest part of the journey of calling.

Let me begin by saying that Biblically, discernment is listed as a gift¹, and there are certainly people who carry this gift with extra clarity and precision as part of their birthright identity. But, regardless of whether discernment comes naturally to you or not, we are all called to practice and grow in it.

I want to also mention that I have struggled with this gift. The art of discernment requires that you not only learn to recognize God’s voice, but also understand your inner feelings on a deep level, and the latter has not always been easy for me.

Last summer, I finally bought a book people had been recommending to me for years, The Road Back to You (lucky you, you’re getting two book recs this time around). The Road Back to You is a book on the Enneagram. If you’ve never studied the Enneagram and figured out what number you are, let this be a nudge to begin that journey. Understanding my Enneagram number has been a life changing aspect of my journey this past year.

Even as a kid, I struggled with my own emotions. I seemed to be able to pick up on other people’s emotions quite well and would even feel them deeply, but I couldn’t always name how I felt inside, which was frustrating.

Throughout my life, when someone was going through a difficult time, I deeply felt their pain. I often cried as a result of other people’s circumstances. Sometimes I even struggled watching certain films if they were super emotionally charged because I felt the characters’ feelings so deeply. It was an uncomfortable personality trait at times.

You see, empathy was never a challenge for me, but going inward was. I really struggled to go inward in order to name my own feelings. When I figured out I was an Enneagram Two, it all made sense. Twos are very other-focused and can feel the emotions of people around them deeply. But, they often struggle to feel and name their own emotions — they just aren’t as in touch with themselves as they are others.

Finally, I could name this struggle. I recognized that I had to implement practices in my life that required me to slow down, be alone, and go inward with God in order to understand my own feelings and emotions more deeply. Practices like silence and solitude became essential disciplines in my rule of life.

Along the way, I realized that one of the reasons I struggled with discernment was because discernment requires us to understand what’s going on inside. We have to be able to name what we are feeling in order to distinguish what it aligns with. Discernment was something I struggled with because I needed to practice going inward. This internal shift changed everything for me.

Discernment doesn’t solve your problems, but it allows you to recognize God within them and make decisions that align with His will rather than simply reacting to your circumstances.

In the book I’m recommending this week, All That is Good, Hannah Anderson writes, “Discernment does not change the challenges we face; it changes our ability to face them.”² Throughout our lives, we will face many difficult seasons. We have to learn the art of discernment in order to navigate our next move and confront our biggest challenges with hope. Although some people are born with keen discernment in their birthright identity, we can all ask God for this gift and practice growing in it.

So, how can we grow in discernment? How do we recognize when we are in God’s will?

These are tricky questions and the short answer is that we grow in discernment through maturity. But, there are internal indicators that can help us navigate from moment-to-moment to discern whether we are in God’s will.

Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, describes the feelings we have that move us toward God and away from God through the terms consolation and desolation. These indicators have been really helpful for me. Paying attention to feelings of consolation and desolation can be an important key in navigating discernment.

Writer and spiritual director, Margaret Silf, created this very helpful list below in an effort to support people in understanding desolation vs. consolation³:

Desolation

• Turns us in on ourselves

• Drives us down the spiral ever deeper into our own negative feelings

• Cuts us off from community

• Makes us want to give up on the things that used to be important to us

• Takes over our whole consciousness and crowds out our distant vision

• Covers up all our landmarks [the signs of our journey with God so far]

• Drains us of energy

Consolation

• Directs our focus outside and beyond ourselves

• Lifts our hearts so that we can see the joys and sorrows of other people

• Bonds us more closely to our human community

• Generates new inspiration and ideas

• Restores balance and refreshes our inner vision

• Shows us where God is active in our lives and where God is leading us

• Releases new energy in us

When you are approaching a decision or trying to discern whether God’s will is in alignment with your present circumstance, desolation and consolation are helpful indicators. Remember, everything goes back to God’s character — although he does convict us when we are doing something wrong, his love for us is constant and he will never condemn us, shame us, or produce feelings of guilt or fear.

As Vinita Hampton Wright says, “A person dwells in a state of consolation when she or he is moving toward God’s active presence in the world. We know we are moving in this way when we sense the growth of love or faith or mercy or hope—or any qualities we know as gifts of the Holy Spirit. If I am becoming more kind with people, and I experience this movement as life-giving and Christlike, I am in a state of consolation… A person dwells in a state of desolation when she or he is moving away from God’s active presence in the world. We know we are moving in this way when we sense the growth of resentment, ingratitude, selfishness, doubt, fear, and so on. If my outlook becomes increasingly gloomy and self-obsessed, I am in a state of desolation.”⁴

We have to be able to go inward and recognize what we are feeling in order to understand and discern what is and isn’t God’s will. It’s important to note that consolation doesn’t necessarily mean we are happy all the time or constantly in a state of peace — often when we are in God’s will, we face pressures from people around us or experience challenges, but these things result in growth and maturity not gloom and doom.

Discernment also comes with spiritual maturity; It is a direct result of the renewing of one’s mind.

As we grow in our own spiritual maturity, our minds begin to change. As it says in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”⁵

When we draw close to God and apprentice under Jesus, we begin to become more Christlike and, in the process, we experience the renewing of our mind. The renewing of our mind comes naturally as we travel the journey of calling with God. As Christians, the goal is to become more like Jesus and as we do this, our minds begin to change. We think differently. We react differently. We speak differently. We engage with the world differently. All of this is born out of the transformative journey of life lived in alignment with God’s will.

While navigating my recent transition season, I joined in on women’s bible study at my parent’s church in the Outer Banks where we studied the book of Hebrews. In Hebrews, Paul writes, “But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” ⁶

Discernment grows within us and we learn how to recognize our feelings when we confront what is good and what is evil. Just like learning to hear God’s voice is about familiarity not formula, discernment is also about familiarity. We learn to recognize what is good and match it to the feelings within us. On the flip side, we learn to also recognize what is evil and match it with the feelings within. So, growing in discernment takes practice!

Let me give you a recent example to clarify this.

On March 28th, 2024, I was finally able to apply for my spouse visa after waiting for about a year. We used an immigration lawyer, collected all our documents, bank statements, payslips, proof of our marriage legitimacy, and submitted the application. We paid extra for priority processing, which meant a decision would be made within 30 working days of the application submission. Our lawyer was fairly confident, but Dan had not worked in a traditional job so the payslips weren’t standard and there was always a risk of being denied.

However, I had spent so much time praying through our move to London, I was sure that God was going to sort out the details. He confirmed this to me in a number of different ways which I won’t get into here, but when we officially began the move to London in April 2023, I was confident that he was sending us. Yet, even after knowing this with certainty, we still had almost a year of delays and were only able to apply for my visa in March 2024.

Over the course of that year, God brought me into a wilderness and used the interim season to shape me in significant ways. I learned about my Enneagram number. I learned how to sit in silence and solitude. I learned how to recognize his voice more clearly. I learned how to surrender my timing to His. I learned about my birthright identity and aspects of my calling. He did so much in a single year that I am writing several books which were born out of this season. In the end, I was grateful for the delays.

When it finally came time to apply for my visa, I was in a state of consolation. I felt my focus shift beyond myself, my heart was enlightened with joy, I felt close to my family and my husband, I was inspired with new ideas, and I felt a deep balance within me and a fresh vision as to where God was leading me into.

About 25 days into my 30 day waiting period, I received an email. The UK government was not satisfied with the payslips we provided and had to put my application on hold pending more information. In the moment, I was frustrated. It felt like another delay after a long season of delays. Our lawyer sent back futher clarification of the payslips and explanation as to why they weren’t standard.

In the meantime, I began to pray, worship, and declare God’s promises over our move to London. I was tempted to give into disappointment and frustration. I was tempted to believe that the delay meant no. But my spirit was discerning God’s goodness. I recognized the feelings within me as feelings of consolation. I knew I was sitting in God’s will and this gave me confidence that He was sorting things out behind the scenes. When I was still and sat with God in silence, I felt his joy and hope. When I paused, I knew God’s will was in alignment with this move and I felt a restored confidence in the whole visa process.

Five days later, my visa arrived in the mail.

Discernment allowed me to hold onto the hope in my circumstance in the midst of uncertainty. I felt deeply satisfied that God was working and I was sure he was sending me to London because I was reminded of all the ways he confirmed this to me. Discernment changed the way I faced my circumstance.

If you’ve never asked God for the gift of discernment and began to practice this in your life, I hope this encourages you to do so. The more you practice discerning God’s will in your circumstance, the more you will recognize Him.

Discernment will also help you overcome obstacles and challenges that are inevitable along the journey of calling. It will help you stay aligned with God’s will and walk in confidence into the various stages of your calling, and His unshakeable hope will be present in the periods of waiting.

The Poetry Nook

This week I’m sharing a Mary Oliver poem with you. This poem encourages me to move slowly through life. Discernment enters our hearts and minds best when we are still.

When I am Among the Trees⁷

When I am among the trees, 
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines, 
they give off hints of gladness. 
I would almost say they save me, and daily. 

I am so distant from the hope of myself, 
in which I have goodness, and discernment, 
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches. 

And they call again, "It's simple," they say,
"and you too have come 
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."

There’s a Book on That

All that is Good: Recovering the Lost Art of Discernment by Hannah Anderson is an excellent book on discernment. Hannah’s focus rests on the necessity of recognizing the good within life in order to distinguish it from evil.

When I first opened this book, I wasn’t sure if it was what I was looking for. Yet, as I read, I found myself drawn into God’s goodness in the world and how important it is to ask God for eyes to see the world the way He does. This book is an excellent examination of the gift of discernment and invites us all into a deeper journey of discerning God’s will in our lives and in the world.

Just in case you missed these recent posts:

• The Interim: The journey of calling will always include periods of transition and sometimes those transitions bring along a wilderness. How can we learn to lean into God during the in between?

• Tuning into God's Voice: Does God actually speak? Learning how to tune into God's voice is the most important thing you can do. The more you practice hearing God's voice, the more you recognize when he speaks.

• Obedience is Trust in Action: Sometimes moving forward in obedience means taking one small step. What does it look like to trust God in the little steps when he doesn't yet show you the big picture?

• Learning to Live with Mystery: Unanswered prayer, big leaps of faith, liminal seasons... what do these have in common? Mystery. How can we learn to lean in when we can't see the full picture?

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Thanks again for reading this week’s newsletter. Cheers to diving into the deep together!

With love,

Jamie

1. 1 Corinthians 12:10

2. Anderson, Hannah. All That is Good. Moody Publishers, Chicago, 2018.

3. Wright, Vinita Hampton. “Consolation and Desolation.” https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/consolation-and-desolation-2/

4. Wright, Vinita Hampton. “Consolation and Desolation.” https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/consolation-and-desolation-2/

5. ESV, Romans 12:2

6. CSB, Hebrews 5:14

7. Oliver, Mary. “When I am Among the Trees.” A Thousand Mornings. ‎Corsair, 2018.